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Marc Headley—Desperate for a Brain—Is Off to See the Wizard
And it came to pass that embezzling bigot, notorious beater of women and professional grifter Marc Headley found himself in the Emerald City, having bribed the gatekeeper to allow him an audience with the Great Wizard himself.
YOU?! Marc Headley, the boorish and stupid, presume to speak to ME, Oz, the Great and Powerful?! YOU, who stole over $15,000 from the Church of Scientology and then, when you tried to file a fraudulent suit, were kicked out of court and ordered to pay the Church $42,000? YOU seek an audience with ME??!!
You’re a spineless wreck with values so warped your proudest moment was blacking out in a gutter, marinating in your own vomit.
What’s that you say? You want a brain? Why? So you won’t be stupid enough to steal from a church, sue it and have to pay 42 grand?
No, so you’ll be smart enough to get away with it next time?! This is Oz, Headley! We do good here—and I don’t have enough brains in the warehouse to fill a head as empty as yours.
Oh, now you want a heart, eh? I suppose if you had one you wouldn’t have tried to drown your sister and your mom or beat up women or join a cyberterrorist hate group and incite death and bomb threats, among other mayhem. You said it yourself: “I would get so [upset] over the slightest thing. I would just go psycho.”
No… a heart WOULDN’T give you a steady, even pulse while you’re punching innocent people to a pulp.
What’s that? Courage? Now you’re talking! You’re a spineless wreck with values so warped your proudest moment was blacking out in a gutter, marinating in your own vomit. That was years ago and you STILL brag about it on YouTube! But with courage, you’d have the guts to look yourself in the mirror and realize that you’ve been drunk on depravity for decades and you’ve even drained THAT to the dregs.
No! The courage we deal in is NOT to give you the moxie to do it all over again!
No, I don’t care that you have nothing left to live for if you aren’t beating and cheating good people left and right—and I couldn’t care less that you just lost your last customer at your bogus business after you lied and said Toyota was your client and now everyone’s mad at you AND you’re broke!
No, I will not fix your motorcycle.
No, I will not give you Glinda’s phone number.
Enough! Get out—before I drop a house on you!
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Today, a judge threw out Marc Headley’s fraudulent lawsuit against the Wizard of Oz, ordering him to pay Oz $42,000 worth of yellow bricks. Meanwhile, the Emerald City PD has arrested Headley for posting video of himself beating up a munchkin. (Headley said the munchkin deserved it because “he was being a little b—ch.”)
