This Broke Bigot Needs Your Money Right Now—Please!

Alex Barnes-Ross has made this month’s rent. That’s the headline news of the decade from this blogger and wannabe anti-Scientologist.

After a posting pleading for funds to resolve his “cash-flow struggle,” Alex next trumpets on YouTube that he has evaded eviction. Yes! As a result of the kindness of strangers (“this is NOT a grift,” he assures them), he still has a hook to hang his hat on and a hut from which to hurl his hate.

Big surprise: Nobody pays attention.

In 2011, Alex pleaded to become a staff member at the London Church of Scientology and lasted six months before being dismissed.

In 2012, he begged to return and was granted a second chance. He failed then, too.

But as the saying goes, two failed stints in employment qualify one as an expert. So now, “Apostate Alex,” as he fondly calls himself, seeks to “create a community” of like-minded losers who blame their failures in life on anything and anyone but themselves.

Trouble is, “Apostate Alex” isn’t particularly good at community-building. His nebbishy cap-in-hand postings read more like Send-This-Kid-To-Camp, and those who do read his rambling rants on rent and religion often respond with “con man,” “fake victim,” “criminal,” and “bro, you are a grifter of the highest order.”

The truth is that Alex Barnes-Ross needs money, your money, anybody’s money, right now—please! He needs money to fund his frequent sallies to a city where he doesn’t live to gripe to a town council that doesn’t know him about an employer that’s already said “no, thank you” to his pleadings to take him back. 

Big surprise: Nobody pays attention. Heck, his own resume mocks him, saying that he is the owner and Grand Poobah of the prestigious Barnes-Ross Agency with a DECADE of marketing experience—which means his career must have started in preschool. (Take THAT, people who think I’m a spineless unemployed grifter who has nothing better to do than whine about his pathetic life!)

One could say that someday reality will catch up with “Apostate Alex,” but the truth is, reality caught up long ago—and is now miles ahead.

​​All of which leaves Alex to wonder: “Where am I going to get next month’s rent?”

Martin Landon
Martin Landon is happy to say that at present he is not doing anything he doesn’t love. Using Scientology, he helps people daily, both one-on-one through life coaching, and globally, through his webinars. He has also authored books, movies, plays, TV shows, and comic strips and currently writes for STAND, which gives him great joy.