Stale Bread: The Aftermath

I am not prone to drama. However, having lived in Los Angeles for 30 years, I am very familiar with it. I try to keep myself busy working on my businesses, helping my family and friends and creating art. I’m generally too focused on that to pay attention to noise and sensationalism. But a friend told me about what A&E ran last year (clearly desperate for any kind of audience, even a “National Enquirer” one) and I have to say, even I was surprised.

Really? Leah Remini? She’s still somehow relevant?

I knew Leah for a number of years. I went to her house many times and even sung karaoke with her. I was in business with her husband and father-in-law for a bit. I mostly found her to be abrasive, demeaning (using the “tough New Yorker” as an excuse) and not very bright, but she offered an occasional “genuine” moment to keep you off your guard.

She would call you a friend but you were never really sure. I just tried not to be around her as it was usually uncomfortable the classic “walking on eggshells” in the hopes that she wouldn’t snap.

In the past few years she’s been quacking on about how badly she was treated and other versions of “oh, poor me!” But in all the time I spent with her she never mentioned anything was wrong–and she had NO trouble letting someone know she wasn’t happy. Didn’t she even say Scientology saved her from being completely evil?

I tried to put myself more in that mind-frame: how does one get so far gone and out of touch with reality? I guess money is a strong motivation.

Ah, but that’s when she was actually doing Scientology —which was a long time before she “left” and launched her pity parade for cash. “Left” is funny to me because I didn’t know that when you stop doing something you “leave” it. But I guess you can’t make money if you just stop quietly. And maybe she saw her bank account dwindle and, unable to get any real work, she realized her hangers-on could possibly also “leave” if she couldn’t keep the gravy train running. And every “star” needs grovelers and yes -men, right?

Honestly, I’ve been ignoring her all this time because she’s just not important enough to bother with. I assumed everyone else would also see how insane she was and she’d go away. But I was wrong.

I tried to put myself more in that mind-frame: how does one get so far gone and out of touch with reality? I guess money is a strong motivation. I wonder if I could get away with something like that. There must be something I can do to get some “sensationalist” cash myself!

And then it hit me! Stale bread! I left some bread unwrapped for a couple of days and when I wanted to eat it, it was stale. That’s it!

I’ll take a page out of Leah’s playbook and go on a tirade lying loudly (because that’s how you get heard these days) about how the bread was already stale and that I never actually liked bread, even though when I ate it I really liked it and it helped me. Instead I’m going to go on and on, and on and on, and on and on—and on—about how stale bread ruins people’s lives. Maybe I’ll even attack the people who work in the bakery! Then, I’ll get other people who also let their bread get stale (maybe even some who just hate bread and used to work for the bakery and tried to ruin it) and I’ll have them all say how bread—especially stale bread and the people in the bakery—ruined their lives too!

We’re such victims!!!

There’s got to be money in that, right? Right?

Or, I could just do what I normally do and go about my business trying to make my life—and the life of my wife of 28 years and my friends— as great as possible while helping as many people as I can in every way that I can. That’s what it means to be a Scientologist.

And as I yawn my way back into the reality of my amazingly undramatic Scientology life, I ask you to consider the source—all the sources—of the same-ole, worn-out craziness being spewed at you and then ask a real Scientologist your questions. Don’t listen to some washed-up once-celebrity trying to stay in the limelight and earn a slimy paycheck in the only TMZ way she knows how: stale bread.

Michael Duff
Husband, Dad, Part-Time Musician, Full-Time Entrepreneur and Scientologist. When not spending time with one of those you’ll find me on my Harley, playing soccer or watching the New England Patriots.