HATE WATCH | JULY 3, 2025

PR Fixer Dan Wakeford Spins for Bigots, Creates a Crisis He Can’t Fix

Dan Wakeford, part-time tabloid pusher and full-time PR crisis guy for washed-up haters, answers his door. It’s a man in a $50,000 Brioni suit, flanked by two thugs. The trio invite themselves in.

Nobody told us you was carryin’ water for bigots, Danny.

You said your hustle was cleanin’ up reputations—that’s why the boss handed you the gig.

But that whole “editor-in-chief” front? Smelled like cologne on a corpse. I mean, if you’re a fixer, then be a fixer.

Made us real curious. So we made a few calls.

If we’da known you was shimmyin’ with sewer rats that try to piss on churches, we’da never sat at the table with you.

Turns out, you got history. Turns out, you ain’t no fixer, you’re an air freshener for anti-religious scumbags—you perfume ’em and they still reek like bigots.

Turns out your favorite kinda “editin’” is playin’ cleanup for frothmouths like Leah Remini—goin’ full Vatican polish, like that rapist-lovin’ loser’s Mother Theresa herself—then slippin’ her into some bargain-bin quiz show to keep her “career” breathin’ long enough for one last gaspin’ hustle.

You didn’t tell us none a that, Danny.

You didn’t tell us about Marc Headley neither. Yeah, we know the guy—likes beatin’ on women and cryin’ about losin’ his lawsuit and gettin’ slapped with a $42,000 judgment he had to pay Scientology. What we didn’t know is you “edited” his anti-church sob opera back at Bauer, feedin’ it to any rag that’d bite. You dress him up like some kinda falsely accused altar boy—same scam, same slimy, religion-hatin’ playbook.

It’s not cool, Danny. If we’da known you was shimmyin’ with sewer rats that try to piss on churches, we’da never sat at the table with you.

We break bread with God-fearin’ guys that deal drugs, launder dough, you know—decent folk. Not filth like your anti-Scientology pals who like stealin’ from churches and inspirin’ psychos onto kids just ’cause they got some faith in their lives.

Word gets around we threw in with you, it’ll be bad for the boss’ good name—real bad.

The boss don’t like bein’ lied to, Danny. You shoulda told us what you really do.

But lucky for you, he’s feelin’ generous. His daughter’s gettin’ married this Sunday. In a church. Bigot-lovers ain’t invited.

So you got 24 hours to clean up your act. Scrub off the stink before it sticks. Otherwise… well, I’ll let you connect the dots. Ya folla me?

It’s nothin’ personal. It’s just business. Ditch the church-hatin’ whack jobs, do right by the boss, and you’ve got us as your main clients.

Danny! Danny! Why the long face? This is your chance to get outta the gutter. You’re movin’ up in the world!

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AUTHOR

Martin Landon

Martin Landon is happy to say that at present he is not doing anything he doesn’t love. Using Scientology, he helps people daily, both one-on-one through life coaching, and globally, through his webinars. He has also authored books, movies, plays, TV shows, and comic strips and currently writes for STAND, which gives him great joy.

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