Leah Remini Lapdog Chris Cuomo Should Rethink His Life Choices

Leah Remini has a thing for giving aid and comfort to sexual predators.

Possibly it’s some misplaced mothering instinct—the same that led her to advise her teenage daughter to “beat the crap out of” other kids.

Chris Cuomo and Leah Remini

First it was Les Moonves, who resigned in disgrace after numerous allegations of sexual predation. Then it was rapist Paul Haggis, handed a $12.8 million judgment for raping a young woman—who is yet, in Remini’s eyes, a “gentleman” and “the victim here.”

But then again, why shouldn’t Chris rely on Remini? What are friends for, after all? Especially friends who have many things in common…

Now Remini’s current charity is Chris Cuomo. Chris was recently canned by CNN for giving inside advice to now-former governor Andrew Cuomo—Chris’s brother in blood and predation—shortly before Chris himself was accused by two former female co-workers of sexual assault.

Chris, he of the signature look of incredulity when an interviewee has just disclosed something sensational, awful and patently false, has—like Remini and Haggis—found his career permanently tattooed “BAD NEWS—BEWARE.” He ingloriously plummeted from a network with half a million viewers to one with slightly fewer viewers than the population of Saint-Jean-sur-Richelieu in Canada. Never heard of Saint-Jean-sur-Richelieu? Then quite possibly you’ve never heard of Chris’s network either. It’s News… something. Wait, it’s just on the tip of my tongue. News… World? No. “News” and then something geographical… Don’t tell me, I’ll get it. News… Country? Town? Alleyway? Oh yeah! NewsNATION. It’s NewsNation. Whew! We return you now to our previously scheduled article.

Chris says he relies on Remini for his information about the Church of Scientology—Remini, who has scuttled her own career with her hateful blatherings about the Church. She who has been unceremoniously dumped by dozens of sponsors falling over themselves to get away from her infectious bile. She who has gone from sitcom to TV hate-fest to podcast and finally to the oblivion of cancelled streaming game show host.

But then again, why shouldn’t Chris rely on Remini? What are friends for, after all? Especially friends who have many things in common: a loathing for the truth, for one, and a common taste for lowlifes for another.

For instance, when Remini pointed Chris’s nose toward fellow Scientology apostate, conman and bully, Aaron Smith-Levin and said “Fetch!” Chris obediently did just that, interviewing the cad about his former religion while cocking his head incredulously this way and that at each canard.

The roster of Chris’s colleagues whose reactions to his journalistic antics range from distaste to disgust goes on and on. A sampling:

A CNN anchor: “I cannot imagine a world in which anybody in journalism thinks that that was appropriate … [He] put us in a bad spot.”

Grant Addison, Washington Examiner deputy editor: “Cuomo thinks we’re all as stupid as he is, that we’ll just collectively forget what we’ve been seeing with our lying eyes.”

Melissa Brown, Montgomery Advisor: “Every time I see [a] mess like this I think about how 22-year-old me wrestled with whether it was ethical to accept a free breakfast at a board meeting one time.”

Andrew Feinberg, White House correspondent: “This is what happens when someone has never actually had to apply for a job. … Pathetic.”

And for the grand finale, Chris himself: “I’m not objective.”

The time has come for Chris Cuomo to start rethinking his life choices. Perhaps, as Andrew Feinberg hints, Chris should apply for a job. Something that resonates with his particular and peculiar proclivities and talents: lying, pandering and religious bigotry.

Hey Leah, need a lapdog?

Martin Landon
Martin Landon is happy to say that at present he is not doing anything he doesn’t love. Using Scientology, he helps people daily, both one-on-one through life coaching, and globally, through his webinars. He has also authored books, movies, plays, TV shows, and comic strips and currently writes for STAND, which gives him great joy.